Porn is love you can see.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
