Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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