i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
