She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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