It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
