how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
