Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
