This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
