Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
