Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
