if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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