i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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