you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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