I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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