I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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