Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
