Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
