So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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