Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
