I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
