great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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