Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
