Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
