youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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