bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
