My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
