I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sarcasm needs its own font
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Randomize
