this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
porn star boner night. come get it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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