you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
