.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
