I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
