Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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