In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
