The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
