We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
