3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
