Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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