I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
