ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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