Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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