eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
