I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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