I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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