Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
