Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
