shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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