It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
