Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
