my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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