I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My feet surprised me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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