No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
